I was not at peace: world events, our country's troubles, arguments around me were all disturbing my peace. My garden was where I was finding peacefulness and feeling God's closeness, but even my garden was being disturbed by too much rain. Some of the plants were surrendering to the endless rain and the waterlogged soil. Then, in the middle of a restless night, the message came:
Beware of allowing self-consciousness to continue because by slow degrees it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is Satanic.
Oh, my!! I'd been nailed without fully realizing I had refocused from God-awareness to worldly-awareness. Too much of my contemplation time had eroded into fretting over worldly affairs. Yes, our country seems to be in the worst trouble its ever known, but if I had lived in another era, I would have been feeling the same way about that time period. I cannot find that turning my attention to worldly affairs has accomplished any good, but past experience has taught me how much good can be accomplished by spending the same time in meditation and contemplation of God's workings in this world. Past experience has taught me he'll use me as a conduit if I am focused on him and listening to him.
When I am really focused on God and listening for God's guidance, I have no problem with self-consciousness. Turning my thoughts to me, or to the world, need only a moment to have God slip away, leaving me focused on myself. When I am focused on God, I am not aware of offenses against myself, therefore I am not likely to slip into self-pity. Self-pity (whether Satan is blamed or not) is a road to nowhere. Nowhere is not a place I want to go.
"The complete life is the life of a child. When I am consciously conscious, there is something wrong. It is the sick man who knows what health is. The child of God is not conscious of the will of God because he is the will of God. When there has been the slightest deviation from the will of God, we begin to ask - What is Thy will? A child of God never prays to be conscious that God answers prayer, he is so restfully certain that God always does answer prayer." and once again Oswald Chambers has brought it all into focus.
Spirit - Finding Hope in a World of Uncertainty
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