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An Epiphany
When Jackie and Mama died, people told me that it was God’s will and that I need to have faith in Him because His wisdom is beyond our comprehension. The Word tells us to “Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”—Proverbs 3:5-6. After they died I could not grasp that concept. My pain and grief caused me to pull away from Him instead of pulling closer to Him. Instead of seeking solace in the Everlasting Arms, I sought it in the arms of men who only wanted to use me for their own pleasure.
Now that I am saved, and the haze of my self-medication has worn off, I am confronting the pain I have masked for years. It hurts like hell, but releasing the pain is one surefire way to release a stronghold that Satan can manipulate. By becoming whole, it’s taking away that particular vulnerability so that I can be immune to him and his traps.
With God’s help I can emerge from the ashes of my painful existence to claim the destiny that He has for me. I have emerged from Satan’s clutches into the Everlasting Arms of Jesus a whole and complete woman. Just as the fiery Phoenix was reborn with fire, I am also reborn by the fire baptism of the Holy Spirit and transformed in to a new creature in Christ Jesus.
© 2005 Denise R. Black
The charisma and magnetic energy and personality I used to procure men and things not healthy for me is now being repurposed to do work for the kingdom. I’m sort of like Luke Skywalker. I need to continually turn away from the bad side of the force—Satan, and embrace the good side of the force—God. In God’s infinite wisdom, He has turned the bad that has happened in my life into a tool that will garner souls to Him. Because of His righteousness I now have the ability to discern that my mother’s and grandmother’s deaths were all apart of my destiny to serve God on a level more phenomenal than I could have ever imagined.