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I was not at peace: world events, our country's troubles, arguments
around me were all disturbing my peace. My garden was where I was
finding peacefulness and feeling God's closeness, but even my garden
was being disturbed by too much rain. Some of the plants were
surrendering to the endless rain and the waterlogged soil. Then, in the
middle of a restless night, the message came:
Beware of allowing self-consciousness to continue because by slow degrees it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is Satanic.
Oh, my!! I'd been nailed without fully realizing I had refocused from
God-awareness to worldly-awareness. Too much of my contemplation time
had eroded into fretting over worldly affairs. Yes, our country seems
to be in the worst trouble its ever known, but if I had lived in
another era, I would have been feeling the same way about that time
period. I cannot find that turning my attention to worldly affairs has
accomplished any good, but past experience has taught me how much good
can be accomplished by spending the same time in meditation and
contemplation of God's workings in this world. Past experience has
taught me he'll use me as a conduit if I am focused on him and
listening to him.
When I am really focused on God and listening for God's guidance, I
have no problem with self-consciousness. Turning my thoughts to me, or
to the world, need only a moment to have God slip away, leaving me
focused on myself. When I am focused on God, I am not aware of offenses
against myself, therefore I am not likely to slip into self-pity.
Self-pity (whether Satan is blamed or not) is a road to nowhere.
Nowhere is not a place I want to go.
"The complete life is the life of a child. When I am consciously
conscious, there is something wrong. It is the sick man who knows what
health is. The child of God is not conscious of the will of God because
he is the will of God. When there has been the slightest deviation from
the will of God, we begin to ask - What is Thy will? A child of God
never prays to be conscious that God answers prayer, he is so restfully
certain that God always does answer prayer." and once again Oswald
Chambers has brought it all into focus.
Jane Mullikin
Spirit - Finding Hope in a World of Uncertainty
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