In the beginning, the goal was gainful employment which would help guarantee a desired living level, which would establish a sound financial foundation for the security and comfort of the family. This goal gradually morphed into the accumulation of a financial nest egg which would result not only in retirement security but in an inheritance for children.

In my life, this goal was interrupted by a serious cancer scare which left me self-centered: what did I want? what did I need? The goal was redefined as "doing something with my life" anticipating financial rewards as a side-benefit of my accomplishments. No longer was God and family supreme in my life. My pride was supreme and the ego had begun the drive toward self-destruction.

The next goal was survival. I had no time for any thoughts of others, of community, of compassion, of God--just survival. At that time in my life, when I was choosing between defeat and starting over from the bottom, I did not think of goals nor did I understand the blessings which would come through gaining an understanding of the harsh side of life. My only goals were survival and rebuilding.

Rebuilding was arrested by the arrival of a second husband who was financially secure. Once again, I could enjoy the "good life" and had no need of goals, I thought. Strange changes began to occur within me: I was caught off-guard by the impact "just drifting along" has on one's spirit. I was surrounded by people who had lived self-centered, purposeless lives for much, if not all, of their lives, but I sensed I was programmed differently. In the far distance past, I had been touched by the magnitude of the Creator's design and I was not allowed to just slide along.

Once again I was faced with the goal of survival and rebuilding. This time was different, however, as I deliberately established a personal relationship with God as the pinnacle of my ambition. This time is now nearing its thirteenth year and is spiraling forward at a breath-taking pace. My goal is not about me--my goal is a closer walk with God.

"I once heard a man say he knew there was a God, he just didn’t think he needed him. It is nice to take care of yourself and be independent, but it is also nice to know that you have a resource to rely on in times of need. If you are used to fending entirely for yourself, then when a catastrophe occurs you will expend a lot of energy looking for help at a time when you need your energy for creative work." --Bernie Siegel

Jane Mullikin
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