Where HAS this year gone?! Granted, we’ve all been rather busy, negotiating a variety of life-changing events -- the dissolution of relationships, personal health problems or caring for an ailing relative, job searches, fiscal reevaluations, and so on. It’s as if the events occurring in our macro-society -- the need to revise and reconstruct our national systems and policies -- are replicated in miniature in the micro societies of our lives. I would like to say my own life-changing event -- our move to Northern California -- was smooth. What I can say -- without foaming at the mouth -- is that it was and continues to be truly a “learning experience.”
Interesting, isn’t it, that when you’re navigating these kinds of life-altering events time seems so distorted. A minute lasts forever if you’re waiting for an answer, and by the time you hit the hay you can barely remember what the question was! They say that as you grow older time speeds up. Some people say this is because living long alters your perspective: When you’re five, “next Thursday” seems an eternity because you have little backlog of experience to determine how soon next Thursday actually is. Physicists say time slows down as you approach the speed of light, but don’t hold me to that. I don’t move that fast so it’s all hearsay as far as I’m concerned. Our metabolism slows as we age and we can no longer eat fried onion rings, doughnuts, and chocolate cream pie. (This you can hold me to.) Some Spanish scientists claim we are loosing seconds with each passing year, that time is literally running out and will one day vanish completely from the universe, a chrono global warming-like effect akin to the melting of the polar ice caps. Maybe this is why it’s getting harder for me to do everything I set out to do in a day.
Big life events always make me think about time: how much of it I have left, how much I’ve wasted, will the time ever come when I get my act together, that I no longer have the energy or the options I had in the past. I think about time when I can no longer fit into a pair of slacks (When did THAT happen!) or when my favorite sweater suddenly looks worn or outdated. I think about time when all my progeny grow taller than I am or when my once indefatigable mentors walk toward me cane in hand. I think a lot more about time during the holiday season. I call up celebrations past, compare them with celebrations present, and look to the future hoping for more and better celebration in years to come.
Time is on my mind, more than ever this season, because I know that -- in the midst of our challenges -- many people are mourning what was and are afraid of what might be. Our minutes, our hours, grow famished. We are hungry for good news, for understanding, compassion, and direction, for “a break.” What to do? What to do?
I’ve been thinking about that, too. Here’s what I’ve decided so far: I cannot control the forces of man and of Nature, the winds and the tides of change, the passage of time or the dissolution of nanoseconds. I cannot control what is suddenly taken from me or suddenly dropped into my lap. I cannot control what other people say or do, how they respond to me, whether they share my beliefs, whether they support me or appreciate my efforts. The only thing I can control is how I experience each present moment -- how I fill it, what I fill it with. And what I do next.
I am claiming my present moments in several ways: I put the kibosh on perseverating. I try to head off my negative thoughts and responses as soon as they come through the pass. I give myself a break, stop trying so hard to make it all better ASAP so I can feel like I have a clean slate and stop comparing myself to others. I “borrow” from the good times of the past, call up my successes and my joys, pat myself on the back for what I’ve learned so far, what I’ve mastered and who I’ve become. I do things that make me smile: I painted my nails turquoise for Halloween, I wear my best sweater just to run to the market. I walk in the woods to reconnect with what is timeless and grand. I set my intent to attune myself to the holiness in the present moment.
Happily, there is new science to support my MO. Loyola University psychologist Fred Bryant has determined that savoring positive experiences intensifies our positive response to them. Researchers at University of Toronto discovered that the longer something is held in our awareness -- be it positive or negative -- the stronger it becomes in our memory. Neurons fire and wire together to fuse and embed the experience in our minds. If the experience is positive, dopamine and oxytocin, “the bonding hormone” prevalent in women, are released and deepen that connection. Engaging the heart actually “uplifts” us, allows us to better transcend our negative “stuff,” even transcend time and space. We rest in the experience not just when and where it happened, but in the Eternal Now.
If you’ve had a particularly challenging year, be conscious of how you spend your precious time -- especially during the holidays. Your batteries are low. The tendency is to ramp it up, to fill our days with social gatherings and shopping and cooking and meeting important deadlines before the year’s end. When we do that time slips away. Then our peace slips away. And our joy. In this critical time of macro and micro restructuring, take time to make thoughtful choices that work for you. Retreat and rejuvenate, if only in bits and pieces. As I always say, the better you are, the better everyone around you will be.
If you have an extra second, add your name to the efforts to create the United Nations 5th World Conference on Women and sign this petition:
http://gopetition.com/petitions/support-a-un-5th-world-conference-on-women.html Jean Shinoda Bolen is mounting an effort to involve young women and older girls in this event as they will carry the torch we light today into the future. Send this Facebook link to the young women in your lives:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Jean-Shinoda-Bolen-5WCW/174283387120?ref=ts To further support these efforts, visit
http://www.5wcw.org/get_involved.htmlOn December 4, women round the world will gather to honor the Sacred Feminine at the Parliament of the World's Religions in Melbourne, Australia. You can participate in this event no matter where you will be by visiting
www.womenattheparliament.blogspot.com.SAVE THE DATE: On February 5 - 6, 2010, I’ll be leading a retreat in Denver, CO. “Stout-hearted Women: Moving Through Adversity and Opposition with Integrity and Joy,” is open to women from around the country interested in developing new skills for navigating the times we live in. More information will be available on my web site soon and in my next newsletter. If you are interested in attending, drop me an email at Margaret@InSweetCompany.com. We’re talking about some industrial-strength awareness and merrymaking here! Ya’ll come!
If you are interested in giving signed copy of ISC for a holiday gift, please contact me by December 15th. As always, I welcome your support, suggestions, and prayers. Do pass on this newsletter and a copy of IN SWEET COMPANY to anyone you think would be interested. Know, too, that I am so very grateful for your sweet company. Holiday joy to you.
Big Love,
Margaret
www.InSweetCompany.com 
