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Musings
Yearning for what?
The painful sense of separation from something
January 02, 2007

Perhaps you have never experienced the discomfort brought on by a deep yearning, a painful sense of separation from something--of what you are unsure, but if you know what I'm describing, you'll be able to understand what I'm trying to say in this piece.

"All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy." --Romans 8:22, The Message (MSG)

This deep yearning has impacted most of the decades of my life. Even though I had asked to be a member of God's family when I was twelve, I experienced the painful sense of separation until the last five years of my life. So many of my bad decisions were birthed in my efforts to relieve the pain as I blindly groped for that "something" which would make me feel completed.

When it dawned upon me, intellectually, that I was no longer yearning, my first reaction was, "Why? What has changed?" So, a mental listing of the changes God has made in me during the previous decade tells me a lot has changed. The changes have been slowly occurring during the last ten years since I'd made the commitment to surrender my life to my Creator.

Surrender is a slow process because you instinctively keep trying to regain control--sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously--the tendency to make your own decisions is well-embedded within you. I'm confident we lack the ability to surrender on our own; we must have the assistance of a higher power. Therefore, "the waiting" is a necessary component of this process. We have to understand God is not given to instant gratification--a term which belongs to the modern industrialized society. His way of change is so slow; we have to look back years later in order to clearly see what has been changed in us.

Here again, I want to note, the moment of decision to surrender did not instantly take away the deep yearning. It took years of my struggling to honor the commitment for the yearning to gradually slip away. I understand there are those who don't have to wait so long to complete the process, but there are the rest of us and if you are one of the "rest of us", I want you to be confident you are being "enlarged in the waiting....the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy."

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Praise
Turning Away from the Gloom
Appreciation of the joy which comes with the light
January 05, 2007

I am prone to say God's ways are just the opposite of the rules taught by the world. That's incorrect. God has it right and the world has it backwards.

Stuff happens to all of us. There's not just the yucky stuff, but there's cool stuff as well and we tend to react accordingly bringing ourselves into a state of gloom and doom during yucky times while we love everything and everyone when life seems rosy.

Now, what happens if we turn ourselves, our thoughts, around? If I sit on a pile of yuck and scream, "I've won!! I have conquered this yuck! It does not control me, I am stronger than any yuck sent my way because I have refused any hold it has on me--it's not mine and it cannot own me!! I will do the things God calls me to do and let him handle this yuck."

As we turn our thoughts and energies to productive activity, totally ignoring the yuck, we see our fortunes begin to turn just as Lettie Cowman describes, "God has so ordered, that in pressing on in duty we shall find the truest, richest comfort for ourselves. Sitting down to brood over our sorrows, the darkness deepens about us and creeps into our heart, and our strength changes to weakness. But, if we turn away from the gloom, and take up the tasks and duties to which God calls us, the light will come again, and we shall grow stronger."

Today, I faced one of those situations which bring on gloom and doom--remember the emotional tailspin after a job interview and before you know whether you messed up? This was a part time job which dovetails with my community service commitment. When I first learned of the job, I thought I really wanted it. I had begun to build my pre-interview stress level when the spiritual messages began to arrive. I was reminded God has a plan and His plan does not always fit what I think I want; concerns the job would take too much of my time from The Living in Simple Faith house began to mount.

I realized I was creating a pile of yuck; my next question was, "Did I want to sit on it or did I want to wash it away?" Last night I asked God to please decide, with His wisdom, whether the job was right by controlling whether I was offered the position. Today I went into the interview, confident God would control the situation. Having experienced more than one situation/interview where the right words were put into my mouth at the right time, I was confident He would provide the right words IF this was the right choice.

He did not help me. I ran out of words more than once. Since I had turned it over to Him and my ego was no longer on the line, I spent an hour conversing with an enjoyable group of people who shared my commitments and passions. If I were yucking around tonight, I'd not be writing this piece; I'd be stroking my bruised ego.

There is such joy in the light.

"The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes." --Psalm 19:8, New International Version (NIV)

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Musings
A Beautiful Truth
My soul whispered that what I really yearned for was not financial security but financial serenity
January 08, 2007

Visual beauty is a vital component of our well-being--or so I believed for many years. The rooms where I spent most of my time had to be peaceful, serene, and great effort was put forth to make them visually comforting to me. Last year when I purchased the duplex destined to become The Living in Simple Faith house, I pictured the shuttered windows, the door trims, the carefully placed and trimmed flowering shrubs I must have to properly accent the place. Thankfully, the large yew was just too big for the children to destroy, but the grass is giving way under the bocce ball scrimmages and the flowering plants are usually laced with plastic cups--not of the decorative type, either.

The duplex is still painfully plain: no shutters, no door trims, no bannisters specially designed to accent the porch area. The nice porch chairs, the swing have not happened for the porch is usually abuzz with busy bodies playing games. Indoors the walls are suffering, the furniture shrinking, the bookshelves piled rather than arranged.

Visual beauty is not an option; a functional outlet for abundant energy is an imperative. So I have to seek alternatives such as closing my eyes and remembering the years on the waterfront in the home where I could plot rooms of perfection and the tropical garden where I could pluck from the trees a tropical fruit cocktail anytime I felt thirst. And when I mentally visit my places of beauty, I am reminded of how the beauty was only visual, and once again I taste the horrors lurking beneath the serene surface. Thus satiated, I return with an understanding of the deeper beauty, the beauty which revitalizes and renews.

"The more I focused on lack and on what I couldn’t have, the more depressed I became. The more depressed I became, the more I focused on lack. My soul whispered that what I really yearned for was not financial security but financial serenity. I was still—quiet enough to listen. At that moment I acknowledged the deep longing in my heart. What I hungered for was an inner peace that the world could not take away. I asked for help and committed to following wheresoever Spirit would lead me. For the first time in my life I discarded my five-year goals and became a seeker, a pilgrim, a sojourner.

"When I surrendered my desire for security and sought serenity instead, I looked at my life with open eyes. I saw that I had much for which to be grateful. I felt humbled by my riches and regretted that I took for granted the abundance that already existed in my life. How could I expect more from the universe when I didn’t appreciate what I already had?" --Sarah Ban Breathnach

"And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:" --Matthew 6:28, King James Version (KJV)

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Meditation
The Purpose of Discipline
When we are deprived of this basis tool required to become a productive member of society, we are severely handicapped
January 14, 2007

I chafed under the admonitions of the Matthew 25 parable about the ten virgins waiting for the arrival of the bridegroom. Five of the virgins had their lamps trimmed and ready and five were not prepared. When the bridegroom arrived unexpectedly, the five who were not prepared were left out of the wedding celebration. I understood it is important to be ready, but considered the punishment too severe a penalty for a thoughtless failure.

"The need for discipline is the same need for watchfulness, for readiness, as in the parable. The ones who wait for the Lord must have oil in their lamps and the lamps must be trimmed." --Thomas Merton

I've heard this parable interpreted as a warning to be ready for the second coming of Christ many times, but Thomas Merton is proposing this is about more than waitful readiness. He is proposing it's just as much about the way we live our lives on a daily basis.

Discipline. Self-discipline.

Could it be possible I was resisting discipline when I was put off by the parable? I don't like discipline: I didn't like it as a child, didn't want it as a young adult, and I still don't like it even though my understanding of its necessity has greatly expanded through the years. A child who is not disciplined by parents/authority figures does not have the most basic skills needed in order to develop their own self-discipline. When we are deprived of this basis tool required to become a productive member of society, we are severely handicapped. Still, we are all held responsible for developing our ability to control our actions and our emotions. As I read about the increase in killings throughout our country last year, I wondered how many of the killers lacked basic self-control skills.

Now, as I strive to more fully embrace the spiritual aspects of my being, I begin to appreciate the depths of the meaning of discipline. It implies so much more than is apparent on the surface.

"The purpose of discipline is, however, to make us critically aware of the limitations of the very language of the spiritual life and of ideas about that life. If, on an elementary level, discipline makes us critical of sham values in social life (for example, it makes us realize experientially that happiness is not to be found in the usual rituals of consumption in an affluent society), on a higher level it reveals to us the limitations of formalistic and crude spiritual ideas. Discipline develops our critical insight and shows us the inadequacy of what we had previously accepted as valid in our religious and spiritual lives. It enables us to abandon and to discard as irrelevant certain kinds of experience which, in the past, meant a great deal to us. It makes us see that what previously served as real “inspiration” has now become a worn-out routine and that we must go on to something else. It gives us the courage to face the risk and the anguish of the break with our previous level of experience. It enables us, in the language of St. John of the Cross, to face the Dark Night in full awareness of our need to be stripped of what formerly gratified and helped us." --Thomas Merton. “Renewal and Discipline” in Contemplation in A World of Action

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Teachings
For Love of the Enemy
Can I really be at peace with the person who has hurt either me or someone I love
January 17, 2007

When God says we must forgive and we must love our enemy, he's not setting an easy task in front of us. When God says, "If anyone says, 'I love God,' yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen." --1 John 4:20 (NIV), I know I must work through my issues of dislike, distrust, and hate. And I cannot settle for a superficial pretense to forgive and love, I must get there--somehow, I must be at peace with this hurt.

Can I do this? Can I really be at peace with the person who thwarted my efforts to....whatever? Can I look a person in the eye and not feel bitterness after I know they have purposefully lied about me? cheated me? used me? unleashed their own hatreds on me or hurt someone I love? As long as I look at it in this light, no, I cannot, I am stuck in my own stuff. I have to attack it from the opposite direction for who can say there was not something in me that made them turn against me or a hurt unrelated to me that has sprayed its venom over me, snaring me in a net I did not create.

The longer I work on acceptance, the easier it becomes to avoid building those bitter tasting resentments over current situations. The hardest ones are the ones from the distant past where the hurt had gained a strong and long lasting hold on me. Those bad feelings must go as well. Even if the object of my anguish is no longer living, I must make peace within me.

Here's a thought to dwell upon when presented with an unsettling situation in order to keep resentments from attaching themselves to your spirit:

"If you find it difficult to love the human in someone, then love the divine in him or her. The divine in that person is God. God exists in that person just as God exists in you. To love God is extremely easy because God is divine and perfect. Each time you look at an individual, if you can consciously become aware of God’s existence in him or her, then you will not be disturbed by his or her imperfections or limitations". --Sri Chinmoy

May God's merciful grace fall upon all of us as we strive to forgive and to love.

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Praise
All is Well
I had lost an important connection
January 26, 2007

Life is so full of hiccups, but in the end, all is well thanks to The Heavenly Father and his assistance. I am heavily involved in the organization and coordination of the local resource fair. Between the website maintenance and coordinating fair activities, my computer and Internet connectivity is a vital link for continuing progress. Take away my car and there's no problem as long as I can move files and folders via email. Take away my phone and there's no problem since it doesn't move files and folders anyway. Only loss of the Internet connectivity brings coordination of tasks to a halt.

I lost my Internet connection.

The cable people had all sorts of excuses why they would be slow in getting to me. I didn't buy any of them until the person on the other end of my phone call suggested immediate service is available to commercial customers only and he'd be happy to transfer me to the sales department. I understood that excuse.

I could see help was not on the way and I let the stress build as I continued throughout the day to turn off the computer, turn off the router, turn off the modem and then turn them on again in reverse order. After ten hours (between meetings) of this frustration, I fumed at the master of the negative forces for bringing me down, remembered the good old days when we just kicked the machine if it didn't work, and sat down in my chair and asked God to bring back my Internet connection.

Two more tries at connection and it happened!! It had taken ten hours, but I was so thankful to be able to work late into the night collecting the resource applications arriving by email and processing them. Then I tackled the website message board deleting the inappropriate posts one at a time since my message board is so old and so basic it doesn't have any kind of programming capabilities for accelerating the process.

This morning the cable technician finally arrived. He and his handy meter checked out my modem and pronounced everything A-OK!! He tells me I have no problem, nothing is wrong. I have visions of being without access to the Internet and email over the weekend when I cannot call a technician.

I had already forgotten God had fixed things for me.

Losing my Internet connection may be a big deal, but it is nothing compared to my connection to the main man. Thank you, Lord, for helping me and even more, for putting up with me.

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Meditations
How can we find peace
Finding moments to meditate within busy family life
January 29, 2007

"How can we find peace, true peace, if we forget that we are not machines for making and spending money, but spiritual beings, sons and daughters of the most high God?" --Thomas Merton. The Monastic Journey.

When a young, married person with a house full of children is told they are not a machine for making and spending money, they must wonder what planet the speaker has been living on for the past thousand years or so.

It is nice to expound philosophically about such matters, but the person with bills to pay needs practical applications--that's all they can handle. So, the question becomes, "How do I realize the true peace which is my right as the son/daughter of the most high God?"

Let's dwell for a moment on a typical American family of five where mom and dad both hold down full time jobs, volunteer in church, school or civic activities and still make special time for each child. We have now used up most of their waking hours and still have not allotted any special time for them to be with God even though we understand he is the source of true peace. Where do we find the time?

For those who consider themselves morning persons, getting up a few minutes earlier or foregoing the early morning news will make some time when one is fresh and when time spent meditating will help bring peacefulness into the spirit before the clamor of the day commences. Others would do better to break their night's sleep into two portions with meditation in the middle of the night when all is peacefully quiet. For me, the answer was giving up TV. I found I had extra time in the morning and in the evening after I gave my TV away.

Moving through the day, looking for moments when the mind was free enough to dwell on upsets, hurts, gossip, world issues, and adjusting oneself to use those moments looking about for the beauty of God's creation or the little clues to God's plan not only gives one a more positive perspective, it results in life being more adventuresome.

"One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple." --Psalm 27:4, (NIV)

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