Asking the "Why, God?" question once again
At one point in my life I was an "on fire" Christian. You couldn't have peeled me away from him if my life depended on it. I was in church three times a week. I was so confident in him that nothing shook me....until I went through the court system that gave my daughter to a sexual abuser. I was angry, so angry, I must confess I had homicidal thoughts, and that is so not like me. I was frustrated, angry with God, this whole thing has knocked me to the ground and held me there. I feel as though it damaged my walk with God, but yet I also want answers to why he allowed my daughter to be placed in a situation with a man that sexually abuses her.
In the midst of going through all of this, I was also very humble, and clingy to God, the very one I was angry with. I couldn't go out in public where other children were because I frantically searched for my child, if I saw a child her age with the same hair color and length, or if I heard the word "Mommy", I'd about break my neck to turn and see who it was, "was it my baby, Lord, can I see her yet? Where is she Lord, is she ok?"
Frantically searching and searching for my child, I'd get anxiety, and then depressed to find that child is not my Amelia, nor that one, nor that one. This torment was going on and on, and yet all the while, he kept delivering to me pictures of Daniel in the Lions Den. I'd open my bible and it would turn to that page. God was trying to tell me something, and I was so depressed and having anxiety over all this, that it went right over my head. He wanted me to fully trust him, and his plan.
Although the King threw Daniel in the Lions Den because "the eyes and ears" of the King tricked him, God protected Daniel. In the midst of that den, when he should have been dinner to those Lions, God protected him.
God was telling me the same goes for my precious daughter, no matter where she is, he will protect her from harm. The devil and his cohorts will not devour her.
At this same time, I also prayed that God would show my daughter her guardian angels, so she would not be afraid. One night, she came and spent a night with me on visitation, and I had to set her little toddler bed up in the doorway of her room so she could look down the hall to my room. Because of the abuse she endured, she was afraid to go to bed. I got up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, and there was my precious little girl�s face, with the largest and happiest ear-to-ear grin I'd ever seen, I still remember like it was yesterday. I asked her why she was smiling and if she was awake. She said "oh, I just saw my angel again, I thought I could only see 'em at my dad's".
I was so excited, I called my best friend Jeannie to tell her even though it was in the middle of the night. She couldn't believe it either because she had been praying the same thing as I had been, but neither of us knew the other was praying for the same thing, and now we both knew that God had not abandoned us like I thought he did, but he was right there, carrying us through this time, (one set of foot prints) and showing me in every possible way that he hears my prayers and still answers them, even though I don't deserve it. His unconditional love is so awesome.
You should have seen my bedroom, I had one sign after another posted on my wall, with bible verses to carry me through this time. There was no wall left, it was just a big collage of bible verses.
His word is full of the answers we seek, but sometimes our own pain gets in the way and we fail to see.
So my dear, take heart and know that the child you fought for is in God's hands, like Daniel in the Lions Den, they too, will be protected. AND... At his appointed time, he will turn this whole thing around for all of them. The verse says "lean not unto our own understanding, but in everything trust in him". And that is where I've come to, I now "trust" he knows what he is doing, regardless of if I disagree or want it to go another way. I just trust him, do what I know is right, and seek his direction and wisdom before I make a move. He's lining things up as we speak. God is an awesome God!...even though it seems as though he's not there sometimes, he truly is!
� Lynda Allen
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