Posted by Carol Roach on May 09, 2001 at 16:14:52:
My marriage failed early on. I was a young mother of a 3 year old and my husband became psychotic. Although I tried everything I could for him our marriage ended in divorce and my husband went back to his country of origin.
I struggled many years as a single parent. And in the back of my mind I was always afraid that my son would come down with the same affliction as his father. Times were hard and my son was a troubled child who later became troubled youth. During the early years my son was very withdrawn to the point that he needed professional care. Then when he reached the age of 13 the tables began to turn and he became delinquent. He was diagnosed as having a personality disorder called conduct disorder. My son had developed an uncontrollable temper.
After his first bout with the law at the age of 13, I was convinced that juvenile detention was not the place for him. What he needed was clinical help. It was decided by the juvenile court system that he pass a psychiatric evaluation. He was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a 30 day evaluation.
The procedure at the hospital was to have the youth first put in what is called "respite", meaning that the child was kept under observation in a room for 24 hours away from the other kids in order to assess his suitability to be with the kids.
It was already 3 weeks and my son was still in respite. He was violent and did not want anybody to go near him. He once threw a heavy oak dresser and two of the staff members. It got to the point that the staff were afraid of him. The doctors were at lost, they did not know what to do with him. All they knew was that he needed to come out of respite. Other specialists were called in to make a diagnosis. It was originally thought that he was schizophrenic like his dad but it was later ruled out. The final assessment regarding the temper outbursts was that they were caused by panic. Yet what to do with him was still a concern of his doctor.
A mother of a youth in the hospital unit volunteered to go visit my son and to see if she could talk to him since no one else seemed to be able to do it. She was granted permission to do so but told to leave the room at the first sign of trouble.
Sharon, visited it with my son one night and later explained to me what had taken place. He was lying on his bed and she entered the room very cautiously and quietly. At first she made no attempt to say or do anything but just sit there. My son did not respond. Sharon introduced herself as the mother of Jason, one of the boys in the unit. She said she was not a professional "just a mom". She said that she knew that my son was scared and lonely; not knowing what was happening to him because her son felt the same way when he first entered the program. She told him that if he wanted to talk to her she was there for him and would stay all night if he wanted her to. Still, there was no response from my son. So Sharon stood up and said to him "I can understand if you don't want me here you didn't invite me here and I will leave if you want me too". It was at that point that my son told her with tears in his eyes "no don't go". She held him in her arms while he cried and she cried with him.
She spent the night with him and my son began responding from that day forward.
All my son needed was some kind words and deeds from a kind person. I will never forget how it was not the professionals that had made the initial breakthrough with my son it was "just a mom".