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--in Him, the contemplative life “Discovering the contemplative life is a new self-discovery. One might say it is the flowering of a deeper identity on an entirely different plane from a mere psychological discovery, a paradoxical new identity that is found only in loss of self. To find one’s self by losing one’s self: that is part of ‘contemplation.’ Remember the Gospel, ‘He who would save his life must lose it’? --Thomas Merton, Seeds Saturday is my REAL day with God. I reserve Saturday for extended quiet time and avoid committing myself to anything on Saturday except for Saturday evening worship service--a perfect way to cap a perfect day. Saturday is the day God takes me to school bringing my imperfections before me, helping me grow through this time set aside to be spent in relationship with Him. He takes me in small steps, steps which do not seem to be interconnected until I can look back and realize real change has occurred. For instance, I have always had a problem with pride, and that pride needed constant nourishment. I needed recognition. When I did not get recognition, I suffered. I was certain the whole world had rejected me and had declared me worthless. Life orchestrated a series of humiliations that left pride nothing to work with so it withered away. At the same time my pride was being destroyed, I found myself unintentionally living alone. I was lonely for a while until I learned my supernatural companion was really there for me all the time. God needed me to be physically alone, to be comfortable being physically alone, in order to fulfill my purpose. What makes it such a Special Spirit Moment when I put it all together is that now that I understand "alone does not mean lonely", I am getting the kudos my pride so desperately craved. The difference is, the kudos have nothing to do with pride--or anything I accomplished. It has to do with just being, just being in the now, just being satisfied to be--in Him.
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