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Who Do You Blame, Life?
by Regena English

This past week there was a discussion on one of the lists I'm moderating concerning forgiveness. At what point do we forgive and move on when people have done harm, emotional or physical, to us? Now let me ask you another question, have you always been kind and loving to everyone? Think long and hard before answering that question. I know there are those who would exclaim, "no but I've never done anything as cruel or mean to anyone else like was done to me!" How do you know?

The fact is, we come into contact with people everyday, directly or indirectly, and we never know what will upset another person. So rest assured there are those who think you've done them wrong. This article will address two points. The first point is, we must forgive others if we want the same to be done for us. There are so many people who think the world is at fault for the misguided behaviors of others. They justify their deep-seated mistrust by pushing everybody away, lumping us all into a category of backstabbing monsters waiting to get over on them. Then they wonder why trouble and troublesome people seems to find them.

If you want a joyful existence and you want to leave behind an legacy of love then you must move on from the self-defeating attitude the world is against me. Hanging on to the mistrust of people is a indictment about you being like those you mistrust or worst yet, you feeling you deserve nothing but negativity from people. If for some reason you find you must officially release your embitterment, anger, or frustration then have a pity party. Spend one day griping about whatever it is that has been weighing heavily on your mind, but after that day harbor those feelings no more.

"When I read you walked away from your marriage I had a flashback. Like you I walked away from my marriage, unlike you I had invested twenty years with my husband. Even after leaving the marriage I fumed over what took place within it. On the advice of some friends I gave myself a pity party. The entire day was spent with me airing my anger towards my ex, my friends listened, nodded, hmmmed, and tsk, tsked. Maybe my friends alterior motive was for me to finally stop complaining about my ex, at the very least to stop complaining to them about him. Well it worked and I recommend others do the same to get over some painful hurts." Janice Now on to my second point. No one is responsible for your feelings. When we say someone hurt our feelings we're really saying we allowed that person power to influence our emotions. Why do these people hurt us? As humans we have an intense need to believe in something or someone, unfortunately when we put all our trust in people and things we're left with hurt feelings and disappointment. Why? Humans are imperfect. We deceive ourselves into thinking certain people will or will not do certain things and low and behold they do just what we thought they wouldn't.

I'm not telling you disappointment and physical harm will never visit you, I'm saying you don't have to spend a lifetime eternalizing those feelings associated with such experiences. The healthier approach would be to have your moment of pity then move on, don't exist permanently as a victim. To remain as a victim is to sacrifice those very things you want for yourself like joy, abundance, lasting friendships, and closer family relationships. Also remember, we don't have to give in to those feelings of hurt if we don't want to, our feelings are our responsibility. So I ask you, which is more important to you, freedom from energy and prosperity robbing hurts or lifelong embitterment?

Regena English a leather spinster, editor, conference organizer, and the inspiration behind the creation of the web's first publications dedicated enitrely to happily unmarried careerwomen. The Leather Spinsters Newsletter and Leather Spinsters on the Web Ezine were both created primarily to provide emotional, physical, and spiritual support to unmarried careerwomen over the age of thirty, those women who are at peace with their choice to live without mates. Secondarily, Miss English is committed to shattering the myths surrounding spinsterhood, asexuality, and what most single women really want from life.